I know this applies for some people more than others, and that's what I'm sorry for the most. For the most part, it's a really good thing when people find themselves really busy and a game like this comes as an afterthought. With the energy we were all pouring into it earlier on, it was like we were all missing something, and this was the answer. Later, some of us were ready to move on while some of us were into the game deeper than ever. As a result, we had a lot of confusion and some ill feeling.
I wasn't ready to move on in March. For pretty much all of last school year, I was a lonely freshman in an out-of-the-way dorm who was aching for camaraderie but effectively doing myself in by neglecting to make the effort to get out and do things. I felt totally removed in a strange place -- like an alien -- and I wanted to make things better but I didn't know how.
My experience with RPGs is that the characters who mean the most to me, looking back, are the characters I learn something from playing. I commented to darqstar while looking over writing I'd done about 5 years prior that a lot of the devices I'd used for a story character, Jessie, were similar to things I'd done with Piper, and I'd barely even realized it. The stories were part of an arc that started even before then -- probably from about fifth grade on, because when my best friend of the time and I stopped talking I needed to make the Power Rangers story which used to be ours my own -- and continued even into college, not always in the foreground but invariably present, at least in some way. It evolved over time in certain aspects -- the universe and characters the story centered around, the amount of responsibility my character had, the way she related to other characters -- but it was always my personal myth.
Right now, though, it isn't. I don't know if it's dormant, waiting for the next big upheaval in my life to throw me off, or if it's something I'm actually moving past now, but my life is incredibly different. I'm not only more involved and busy with Tekkoshocon now, but somehow I ended up the business manager of IMSO, the Pitt DDR/Bemani/music games club, and I'm involved with anime club as well. There's going to be a Relay for Life on campus at the end of the year, and I'm helping out with preparing for that, too. I'm living at the heart of campus and visiting with with people a whole lot more. I've probably done more stuff with people in the past two weeks than I did all last year. Of course, there's still a lot to think about and a lot more decision making to do -- I found out this past Wednesday that come spring semester I'll be considered a senior in terms of credits, and I have to figure out what I'm doing next year, too -- but the issues for me aren't what they were while the game was in its heyday, or even what they were a month and a half ago.
I'm so glad I played the game, though. It helped me become a better writer and examine how I thought. I had some incredible times playing and I know others did as well. Best of all, I met some awesome people that I really hope to keep in touch with.
I greatly encourage fanfic if you still wish to explore your character in the game universe. In fact, I think it'd be really cool to organize a big group fic project in a few months, where we have an event that affects everyone and split the group up so small groups of two or three players can write their characters' parts together. Would anybody be interested in something like this?
Thank you to every one of you I had the honor of playing with. Special thanks for those of you who were willing to give me a chance when I wasn't ready to give up yet. I've learned so much from all of you and I'm so glad I met you all. Please don't hesitate to get in touch with me if there's ever anything you need or even if you just want to talk. My r/l journal is pantherpg. I might not always be physically around on IM but I still really do care.
Big hugs and best wishes to all of you.